Game Over

3 December 2010, a date to remember.

I never imagined that it would be a prelude to a goodbye. It started so right (that's what I thought). I had a nice wake up call, we talked for about an  hour or so, then he promised to call me again at night. He did and we had a great time laughing and teasing each other. I never had an inkling that my night would end differently.

He said he has found someone else! I don't know what to feel. As if someone splashed cold water onto my face making me numb. Everything became hazy.

A few months back I noticed that he was kinda cold but I shrugged it off coz I don't wanna impose or seem too clingy. I was dying to ask him but held back and let things be as I don't have 'right' to question him.

6 long years or so that's how long this almost not quite game has been going on. In fairness to him he didn't tell me to wait but I can't help but hope. somewhere somehow I was hoping everything will be set right and I'll have my happy ending.

I was wrong and I was wishing for the wrong things. Lesson learned (the hard and painful way) a relationship based on lies, pretension and deceit will never lasts. Sure, it may take 5 to 10 more years but its never bound to be forever, it will come to an end.

I guess this is Game Over.

I'd never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

So you're gone and i'm haunted

And i bet you are just fine

Did i make it that easy to walk

Right in and out of my life?

game?!

okay, let's play an exciting dangerous game!

it's called the almost-not-quite relationship game.

rules: you can text/ call each other and do what other couples do but no commitment. first one who falls; loses.

ready? set? go get your heart broken and your life messed up!

you wanna try?!

denial

for years...i'm in denial...that i love...and care for you. i've said countless times that you're always been special to me.

whenever friends tease me about you...i tell them you're special to me (coz you really are!)...you fascinate me...i tell them that maybe this is just fascination...my curiosity gets the better of me...that's why im drawn to you.

sure there are some guys that make my knees weak and have my heart skipped a beat...i've kept convincing myself and my friends that those were the guys i'd like to end up with. true, my knees don't get weak nor my heart skipped a beat when i'm with you...maybe because i'm comfortable with you around...i can be who i am...

i sure can 'fool' my friends...but not myself...my feelings betrayed me... i do long for you...to hear you...to talk to you...to be with you..THEN it finally sunk in...i do care...i do love...Its always been YOU!

*this is me being cheesy! wahaha!

not in this lifetime

As I start a new life after that not-so-good encounter with the one that got away; read here. I was quite hesitant to meet other guys. 

Being a newbie at the workplace (we are talking about International airport now, i came from the domestic airport), I was assigned at the transfer desk. My duty is to man the counter even if we are not expecting any passengers to connect to our flight. It was my first time, and I have no idea what to do if ever a passenger would show up. Anyway, as I was busy counting the minutes before my shift ends, a group of rowdy guys on the other side of the counter were watching a collegiate basketball championship. They were really noisy and a bit annoying. But still, I kept quiet, ignored them and waited for my shift to end.

The following days and weeks, I was again assigned at the transfer desk. Thank God, the rowdy boys are not around! Yahoo! I really can't remember the details but one of the boys turned out to be a friend of my friend, we were introduced . We just said our hi's and hello's if ever we saw each other at the hallway

He became my friend, we ate lunch and go to work together. We enjoy doing things together, he always makes me laugh because of his antics. I find his sense of humor very adorable. Our friendship grew stronger, its almost like were a couple. But I was hesitant to take it to the next level because I believe and felt he was still in love with her ex-girlfriend. My guess was right; I learned that he got back with his girlfriend.

We still continued this friendship of ours. I found out he's getting married. He even read out to me his wedding vows.... *sigh* Later, he told me that if I just stopped him that night he would. He was just waiting for me to say what i feel... *sigh*

Yet we still remained friends, but this time, just friends. 

And we realized we have this common understanding... that we were not meant for each other, not in this lifetime anyway.

the one that got away

Airport, that's where it all began...

I haven't really noticed him at first. And then one fine day on July, he passed by my counter, he asked a lot of questions about the flight. Who was this tall guy with a smile on his face? Oh, he was one of those friendly flight attendants that greet and chat with ground staff like me ('cause other FA's don't do that).

A week after, I've been receiving anonymous sweet text messages. I can't remember the exact message but there was line that says, "why do we close our eyes when we kiss? its because the sweetest things in life are meant to be felt not seen, so asked me why i cant see you right now?". I couldn't figure out who sent it.

I did a lil' research, and found out the tall good looking guy who turns out to be a sweet gentleman was the one sending me those messages. I told him that I already knew who he was, he said that he will introduce himself properly. We went out for dinner; at that first meeting, we hit off right away. Talked for almost 4 hours non-stop, we could go on till forever but we still need to report for work the following day. So, we agreed to meet again the next night, until he was my constant companion. Right after his duty, he'll head straight to my dormitory and we'll have dinner together. He'd show me his 'flying' schedule, ( I call it, 'life plan') to work out our plans in advance. If there's a delayed flight or he was slated on the last flight, I take a nap first and wait for him to show up at my dorm so we could eat together. We would admire the beautiful night sky, our hobby was to gaze on the stars and talked about our dreams and future.

But we never really discussed our situation, we just enjoyed each others company. 

Friends and officemates wondered, what was going on. They kept on asking whats between us but I kept mum about it because I really don't know what to say.23rd of December, I got my schedule; duty on Christmas Eve. According to his 'life plan', he has a flight on that same day. Since both our family's are away from us, we decided to celebrate Christmas Eve together. 24th of December his flight was cancelled so he can still go home to his family to spend Christmas with them, but he opted to spent it with me. He didn't want me to spend Christmas alone . aww... sweetness! :)

New Years Eve falls on my rest day, unfortunately he has a flight. In return, I didn't go home, and spent New Years Eve with him. We welcomed the new year by partying at Rockwell. It was new year, I was full of hope, life and love. 

That's what I think...

And then, something happened... One day, he sent me a text message. "you were always there when i faked the tears, you were always there when i faked the pain, you were always there when i faked my sadness, but why you didn't catch me i didn't faked the fall?" I didn't know how to respond to this kind of message, I asked him what does it mean. But he said,' just shrugged it off'.

I can't take it anymore, I told him a story about a guy a really liked. It was like giving him a clue about us. I said that I really liked a certain guy but he's giving me mixed signals, sometimes he would treat me like a friend, other times he would treat like a girlfriend. And then he responded, 'do i know him?', 'is he close to me?'. Stupid me, I said it was someone he didn't know because I was too embarrassed to admit that HE WAS THE ONE! We never talked about it anymore.

Then, I noticed some change. The nightly visits became weekly, then it became once a month. We still talk whenever we see each other at the airport but that's about it. 

Later, I learned that he moved to a new apartment, a bit far from my place. And I was assigned to a different airline, this means I'll be 

moving to a different airport, no chance to see him anymore. Every once in a while, he'd still send me text messages, and sometimes we would still meet.

Lesson learned:

NO GUTS, NO GLORY!  If I have just voiced out what I really feel for him, then I would not be dwelling on this 'what if' scenarios.

As for me, I think he is the ONE..... The ONE that GOT AWAY!!!